Experts
When I Die by Lawrence Chard
Lawrence Chard.com Home Page

When I Die
Or More Accurately When I Am Dead
The first thing is I would like is a second opinion, preferably as soon as possible after the event.
Don't let any experts near me, they have a nasty habit of being wrong. This opinion could be very important to me.
I am sure there is a word for "false death syndrome". It is relatively common for people to be buried alive in the mistaken believe that they were dead. There have probably been many more undiscovered cases than there are known cases. By undiscovered, I mean by more than one person.
It could be worth considered whether burial cause FDS, because there are few known cases of cremated people apparently coming back to life.

Other Wishes
There are a few more things I would quite like to happen when I am dead, but I probably won't get too upset if none of them happen...

  • I would like to be late for my own funeral.
    It was often said during my lifetime that I would even be late for my own funeral. I would like this to happen, as it would be nice for those people to be right.
  • I told you I was ill.
    Great epitaph from Spike Milligan. I Like to think that I thought of it first, but he published first, so it's only fair to let him have the credit. Would be an acceptable epitaph for me, please ensure you give Spike his credit. If anyone wants to use any of my sayings in their epitaph, a hyperlink would be acceptable.
  • I would like the world to be different.
    There are probably two schools of thought on this, maybe more. Some people probably don't care what happens when they are dead. There is a word for people like this, or more accurately several words, total prats is quote a reasonable expression for starters. Many people do care, even if they have not done anything in particular to change it. This probably includes the mass of ordinary decent people who have gone about their own lives in a normal way. Every one of these people deserve our respect and admiration.
    When I express the hope that the world will be different, I mean that I hope it will be changed for the better because of my life, and it would be nice if I achieved some degree of recognition. Respect and admiration would be a bonus.
  • Submit This Site to the ODP
    The Open Directory Project currently harbours the mistaken belief that only fully constructed websites should be include in its directory. despite the fact that about 99% of the sites it lists are not yet complete. As I intend to edit this site periodically during my lifetime, it will only be complete after my death. Would somebody mind submitting it to the ODP on my behalf. please. Don't tell them the circumstances, because they may have added a "currency" clause in their policies, debarring any site which is not sufficiently maintained or up to date, in which case they would kick this site out within a few years. Also please don't mention to them that I have other websites already listed. They think one per business is enough, and although I have never seen a "one site per person" policy, you never know what they might be concealing, or might implement in the future. If the ODP is not around when I go, I will have been ably to smugly predicted that they needed to be more flexible.
    If you do submit it and it gets listed, you could get someone to add a very prominent "Under Construction" graphic on the front page, just to annoy them.
More
This column is included to create the impression that there is more to come. In actual fact it's because I haven't got round to removing the two column layout, and replacing it with something better.
There isn't any more.
That's all folks...